There is a question most of us skip past entirely in our daily lives: do I actually matter? Not "am I useful?" or "am I successful?" but do I matter, as a person, independent of what I produce or achieve? 

It sounds simple. But the research suggests we are terrible at actually living like the answer is yes. 

In this episode, I sit down with Jennifer Breheny Wallace, journalist and bestselling author of Mattering, a book that unpacks why so many of us have tied our sense of worth to our output, and what it costs us. Jennifer has been researching this topic for nearly a decade, and her work is one of those rare combinations: rigorously grounded and deeply personal. 

Jennifer and I discuss: 

• The two sides of the mattering equation: feeling significant versus being useful, and why both are essential 

• The crumpled $20 bill story and what it teaches children (and adults) about unconditional worth 

• The "impact file" and why what goes in it might surprise you 

• Three different paths you can take when envy hits, including one called mudita that reframes another person's success as your own 

• What managers get wrong about mattering, and the small everyday moments that actually move the needle 

• The 30-second nightly practice that can override your brain's negativity bias 

Key Quotes 

"Mattering is found in the small everyday moments of life. It was never the big moments, it was the small moments." 

"We all crave to feel needed and relied on. Letting young people know that you are valued for so much more than your achievements, you are needed here, you have a role in this world." 

Connect with Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Instagram, LinkedIn and her website, and check out her books Mattering and Never Enough 

If you enjoyed this episode, I think you'd love a chat I had with bestselling author Daniel Coyle on how to avoid small talk and the questions that create real connection. Listen here.