The Secret to Lasting Change: Embrace a New Identity for Sustaining Healthy Habits

Growing up, I was the poster child for sports ineptitude. In every athletics race, I’d finish so far behind that even the dust had settled. As for team sports, I excelled at bench warming, making me an invaluable asset to any team in search of a one-woman cheer squad.

I also didn’t look the part. What I thought was ‘baby fat’ was probably just actual fat. My body didn’t resemble the sporty, popular girls’, so based on all this data, I just assumed that a world of sport and fitness was not for me.

As I grew into my late teens and twenties, I started to exercise more, but exercise was only a means to an end – a way to lose the final five kilos that I was on a lifelong battle to shift. I joined gyms (and even worked out at some), went to hundreds of aerobics classes involving plastic steps and boxing moves, and clocked up thousands of kilometres walking.

In my thirties, when Frankie was born, I decided to become a runner (read: jogging at a snail’s pace). In Frankie’s first few years of life, I would go on a 20–30-minute jog with Frankie in her pram several times a week. But then I injured my knee and my physiotherapist suggested that jogging might not be the best exercise for me. More data to suggest that I just wasn’t the fit, sporty type. It was back to the bench.

But about five years ago, after going through different exercise phases such as barre, functional fitness and Pilates – nothing had stuck.

Late one evening I was trawling the internet for the next fitness thing I could get into. And I came across a group called FitBliss Fitness in Utah in the United States. They described themselves as taking an evidence-based approach to women’s fitness. They didn’t believe in diets or fads. They had university qualifications in fitness and nutrition. They seemed to really know their stuff. I found all this tremendously appealing.

I signed up for an introductory call to learn more. I was paired with a coach called Sami, who I ended up working with for around two years. Sami wrote me weight-lifting programs, I would send her videos of my form to comment on a few times a month, and I’d send through data of my progress every week. When gyms closed down in March 2020, I set up a home gym in a corner of my garage so I could continue my weights program with Sami.

And after many years (well, a lifetime) of not seeing myself as someone who was into fitness and sport, I realised that I had changed. I was fit. And I was strong. Two words I had never previously associated with myself.

Our ‘health’ self-identity is one of the biggest predictors of eating a low-fat diet, consuming organic produce, reducing alcohol consumption and munching down on more fruit and vegetables. Research published in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior found that people who agreed with statements such as ‘Eating fruits and vegetables is an important part of who I am’ and ‘I am the type of person who eats fruits and vegetables’ were significantly more likely to eat fruit and vegetables. Indeed, people identifying with being a fruit and vegetable eater was a stronger predictor of eating these foods compared to one’s attitude towards fruit and vegetables (e.g. enjoying eating them) and even past eating behaviour. People literally believe they are what they eat. And when we believe something to be true, it becomes the easy option to act in a way that is consistent with this self-identity.

Dr Layne Norton told me that one of the commonalities shared by people who lose weight and keep it off (compared to those who don’t) is that they form a new identity.

Norton told me about a friend of his, Ethan Suplee, a film and TV actor who lost about 130 kg and kept it off. ‘He has a phrase he uses, which is, “I killed my clone today”. One day I messaged him and asked if he meant he was forming a new identity? He said, “That is exactly what I mean. There is still that other person inside me and I have to kill that person by being someone else.”

As for me and my self-identity, after five years (and still counting) of regular weight training, I genuinely see myself as someone who is very fit and very strong. I think back to my teenage self who would have been shocked to see herself three decades older, as a healthy and physically fit woman who is able to lift far heavier objects compared to when youth was on her side.

Put it into action

1. Write down how you currently see yourself in relation to the behaviour you are trying to change. For example, you might see yourself as someone who has trouble sleeping, someone who is unfit or weak, or someone who eats too much sugar.

2. Imagine your future self, after you have stuck to your Health Habit for several months. Describe this person. For example, they find it easy to get to sleep, they experience joy from moving their body, they devour fruit and vegetables.

3. Based on your future self-description, write down a sentence that could describe your new self-identity, such as ‘I find it easy to get to sleep’ or ‘I am a consistent and deep sleeper’. Spend a few moments picturing yourself doing the behaviours and thinking about this new descriptor of yourself.

4. When you engage in behaviours that reinforce this new self-identity, take a moment to congratulate yourself. You are becoming the person you want to be!

5. When you slip up – because you inevitably will – channel your new-and-improved self and consider how they might respond. For example, after a bad night’s sleep due to a delayed bedtime, you might simply acknowledge that we all have nights where counting sheep turns into counting all the things we messed up today, and that tomorrow night will be much more sheep (and sleep) filled.

Today’s post is an extract from my new book The Health Habit (out now!) Thank you to all the subscribers who have already purchased a copy - your support means the world to me.