Never regret a decision again with this simple question

When someone asks us to do something on a day that is far-off in the future, it can be easy to say 'yes'. I know that for myself, when I am asked to do something such as speak at an event that is four or five months away, I think to myself, 'That sounds fun! And my diary is practically empty! So, yes!'

But what inevitably happens is when the event rolls around, I start to regret my decision because my diary is, surprise surprise, not looking so empty anymore.

If you are a people-pleaser like me and struggle to say 'no', the easiest thing to do when someone asks you to do something in the distant future is to say 'yes'. Sigmund Freud famously referred to this drive as the Pleasure Principle – our tendency as humans to seek pleasure and avoid pain. But unfortunately, while this tendency results in short-term pleasure (the ability to say 'yes' and please the person asking us), it can lead to long-term pain (having to honour a commitment you possibly didn't want to do).

Athlete and all-round motivational guru Turia Pitt frequently found herself falling into this trap. She is regularly asked to give speeches, but often, they are scheduled for far off into the future.

Instead of falling into the trap of underestimating how busy the future will be and avoiding the short-term pain of saying no, Pitt now asks herself a question before giving an answer.

By pausing to ask this question, Pitt is overcoming a key flaw in how humans are naturally wired to make decisions: activities in the distant future seem far more appealing and exciting than those in the more immediate future.

In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, participants had to evaluate various activities and plans, such as a government policy or a creative approach to administering exams. The researchers found that activities that were scheduled in the distant future were perceived more favourably compared to those in the immediate future.

By asking herself the Next Tuesday question, Pitt can focus on how she genuinely feels about the opportunity being presented. By using the Next Tuesday rule, we avoid saying 'yes' to opportunities indiscriminately (and underestimating potential downsides), which can be all too easy if you're the kind of generous go-getter like Pitt.

Put it into action

1. When you are next asked to do something or presented with an opportunity that will happen in the distant future, resist the urge to give an immediate answer.

2. Instead, ask yourself the question: 'If this opportunity were happening next Tuesday, how would I be feeling about it?

3. If the answer is anything less than 'totally pumped!', say 'no'. While saying 'no' can feel challenging, you'll avoid feeling pain and resentment about the opportunity in the long-term.​